Most people won’t flat out ask if you converted for a man, but I think it’s safe to say that most people assume that a man had something to do with it (or a woman, for the men out there). This assumption seems to be cloaked in the question, “Where is your husband from?” See, but I don’t have an answer they are expecting.
“My husband is from here (the US).”
If they look confused, I tack on, “He was born and raised here.” Most times, I get a look as if I didn’t fully answer their question, because really, I didn’t answer the question behind the question. That’s okay. But let’s talk about this.
What came first? The man, or Islam?
Everyone’s answer is different. Many people came to Islam through knowing someone, and oftentimes that someone ends up being their spouse. Some people will openly admit they only said their shahadah (declaration of faith to become a Muslim) so they could marry the man they loved. Others believed in Islam before marriage. There are far fewer of us that came to Islam, spent some time as a single Muslim, and found our spouse later.
I’m one of those people.
There’s a large backstory on how I came to Islam, and it does involve some Muslims I met along the way. Still, those Muslims didn’t actively try to convince me of the truth of the message. I found the truth through the Qur’an, mashaAllah (Allah willed it to be).
After finishing the Qur’an, I was convinced it was written by the Creator of the everything there is. What other choice is there than to submit my will to His? Tweet this
After nearly a year of being Muslim, I decided to start wearing hijab (head scarf), which shook up life considerably. Many people at work started asking questions, including a conservative Christian guy in my department. He had numerous questions, and believed many of the stereotypes about Muslims because he simply had never had any reason or experience to think they weren’t true.
Right or wrong, from a dawah perspective, I took it upon myself to help him understand the true meaning of Islam. He was genuinely curious, and as any teacher knows, an eager student is one you look forward to teaching.
Fast forward, and this conservative Christian man in my department at work decided Islam was the truth and took his shahadah also. We married soon after. As you can imagine, he tends to get more of the suspicion that he only became Muslim because he was interested in a relationship. It’s a hard thing to overcome. You can only defend your intentions and what is in your heart to a certain extent. Beyond that, people just need to believe what you say.
I encourage you to question your own motives and intentions when you assume someone has come to Islam because of a relationship. Why is it hard to believe someone wouldn’t make the choice on their own? Why is it so easy to believe that someone’s relationship with their Creator is fickle enough to change based on the person they adore at that moment. True enough, it is the case in some instances, but let’s assume better before we have honest information.
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